Editor’s note: Mike wrote this on a whim as a form of cathartic release and sent it to Larsen without any intention of publishing it.
I’m sitting under the stars on the second story patio of a cute little hostel in Kauai, Hawaii staring out into the darkness and listening to the ocean. All I can see past the line of shadowy palm trees is the occasional sign of a wave tip. But the ocean is active, as if answering some of my thoughts. It lets me know that it’s still there, even when I can’t see it. I’m not sure if that should be soothing or frightening. In reality, it’s both.
The hostel has a treehouse feel to it. The outside area very much intertwines with the indoor part. It might be the coolest hostel I’ve ever stayed at. It’s almost a shame I can’t spend more time here to enjoy it for longer. But I just need a cheap place to sleep, cute or not. I’m on a mission and I intend to succeed, as I have on my missions to previous islands.
So, I’ve mentioned that I’m traveling for work, and that I’m spending the first third of the year in Hawaii. I may or may not occasionally be rubbing that fact into Larsen’s face. Well, into many-a-face. But especially his.
Anyway, my goal is to hike as much as possible during my three-day escape to Kauai. It’s my fourth Hawaiian island. I’m working on the Big Island (also just called Hawaii). Two months ago I visited Oahu, the island with the grand city of Honolulu. I hopped over to Maui the next month to drive the road to Hana and watch some whales. Now I am here in Kauai.
My goal has been to make the absolute most out of my time on each island. I’ve succeeded so far because I have the same game plan. If I may say so, I’m getting pretty good at it. My strategy is as follows:
- Arrive at the airport and get my overpriced rental car.
- Immediately drive to a Target, or something similar, to collect supplies – granola bars, nuts, jerky, maybe a towel, and several bottles of water.
- Go straight to my first hike. I fill a backpack with water, some first aid, and maybe a change of clothes if it comes to that.
- Enjoy the hike. This step is very important.
- Arrive back at my car, cram some granola bars, drive to the next hike, and then repeat the third through fifth steps for the rest of the day.
Maui was a little different, since I drove the Road to Hana, but you get the idea. I digress…
You learn a lot about yourself when you’re isolated on an island as far away as possible from everything and everyone you know and love. You’re forced to adapt to a completely different environment and figure out what you enjoy. And that teaches you more about who you are.
I’ve always enjoyed hiking, really. I wouldn’t really think about it much, but I’d do it fairly often. The more I’ve come to appreciate the natural world, the more I enjoy it. It’s easy to say this with all of the amazing trails available in Hawaii, but I’ve fallen in love with hiking.
Just the idea of it is perfect. You go on a journey through nature, overcome some mild to moderate obstacles on the way, get in some good exercise, take some cool pictures, and then at the end there is a reward. That reward comes in the form of a waterfall, or a mountain, or an ocean view, or a canyon (which I did today). I call this super nature!
Exercise and a presence among nature are both great endorphin rockets. Every time I get to the super nature reward at the end of a trail, I make sure to take it in. Yes, I grab a lot of cool pictures too. But after I’m done with that, I’ll often just stand in awe of the scene for a few minutes. It’s weird to me to see people hike all the way to an area with scenery like that, take a couple of pictures, and then immediately start heading back. They must not enjoy the meditative aspect of a hike.
And that’s where I’m going with this. Hiking all by myself, through some of the most amazing places you could imagine, is where I learn the most about Mike. It’s a time to be introspective, and at the same time be humbled in the presence of the earth and all of its wonder. It allows a clearer understanding of things that normally ricochet around my head like the chaos round of a pinball machine. And this week could not be a more important time for me to do exactly that.
Last year, I got my heart broken. I was made to feel meaningless by a person that has made me feel that way many times over the past several years. I chose to come to Kauai during these three days off because her birthday falls within that period of time. For seven years, I’ve made it a point to wish her a happy birthday in one way or another. That means something extra from me because I can’t remember birthdays to save my life. This person was very important to me.
Every reason I’ve mentioned to love hiking is valid at any time. But right now, for me personally, it has made me mentally and emotionally healthier. I have more confidence in myself. I understand things more clearly and with less anger, less judgement, and finally, less hurt. I know that not only am I going to be okay, but I’m going to thrive without this girl in my life. Heck, I’m thriving now! I did three hikes in one day on Oahu. In Maui, I took the challenge of the Road to Hana head on. Now I’m off to a good start on Kauai.
So no, I won’t be acknowledging that person on her birthday this year. She will not hear from me. That should be my mindset anyways, and it has been leading up to this week.
But just in case, I’m going to spend that entire day hiking in one of the most beautiful places in the world. With no phone service. I’ll be focused on myself, my value, and how I’m having the experience of a lifetime.
Because your story doesn’t end at a heartbreak. The show must go on. So if you need an escape, go find a trail and give yourself the best show the earth has to offer.
15 Years Later 
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